You are more than just a body.
That鈥檚 the message parents should be telling their children when it comes to educating them about how to use the Internet safely, according to Julie Parr, a public educator coordinator with the Saffron Centre, a sexual violence support centre.
She was in Jasper last week to talk to students and parents about the dangers of using the Internet and how parents can protect their children from becoming victims of cyber bullying and sexual harassment.
鈥淵ou have to consider it鈥檚 almost like sending them to a big city all alone. There are no rules and there are no boundaries,鈥� Parr said about the cyber world.
鈥淚鈥檓 not trying to scare you. I really want to motivate you and equip you to talk to your kids because I really think this comes down to a lot of conversation. Not one conversation, but ongoing conversation.鈥�
She said the biggest issue when using the Internet is that there are a lack of boundaries allowing children to use the Internet inappropriately or become the victim of inappropriate behaviour.
鈥淎s adults we may not be as savvy with the Internet as our kids, but we do have a responsibility and I think what we really need to be teaching them is that healthy relationship qualities that we exercise between each other face-to-face we also need to exercise those same qualities online.鈥�
She said one of the biggest problems is that the vast majority of young people don鈥檛 think what they do online is real or has consequences.
鈥淚f they don鈥檛 think what they鈥檙e doing online is real, that it doesn鈥檛 have a real impact on them or other people, of course they鈥檙e going to do all sorts of crazy things online,鈥� said Parr.
She said part of the problem is the human brain is not fully developed until 25 so teenagers tend to operate on impulse and emotions.
鈥淥nce their emotions start going they actually will fill their own brain with emotion and it shuts down their frontal cortex. They lose the ability to make rational decisions.鈥�
She used the example of Amanda Todd, a 15-year-old British Columbian girl who died by suicide after being blackmailed by a stranger into exposing her breasts on a webcam.
鈥淚f somebody is really scared, like Amanda Todd was when somebody was harassing her for a naked picture, she didn鈥檛 want her parents to know she was in a chat room. She didn鈥檛 want her parents to know what this person was saying to her so she made an irrational decision to send a picture because she believed the lie that he would stop bothering her if she sent it.鈥�
To avoid another tragedy, Parr said it鈥檚 important parents talk with their children about boundaries online so they are staying in situations where their brains work best.
Part of her presentation also discussed the various social media sites and mobile apps children are currently using such as Youtube, Instagram and Snap Chat.
She said there are many ways parents can control how they are using these mobile platforms, such as increasing privacy settings, become a follower, turning off location settings and using spot checks to check their phones or browsing history.
She also reminded parents that if they are the ones who pay for the phone or the Internet they can also take it away.
鈥淚f you are paying for that phone and it鈥檚 your name on that contract it鈥檚 your phone. If your kid starts getting into trouble and has images that are illegal of kids that are under the age of 18, that phone possesses child pornography. If your kid loses that phone and it gets turned into the RCMP office and they get into the phone just to find out who鈥檚 it is just to return it to the rightful owner, if they find child porn on there the warrant goes out for your arrest,鈥� said Parr.
According to Parr, most children have sent a 鈥渟ext鈥� also known as a sexual text message by the age of 10 or 11.
鈥淵ou actually can鈥檛 talk to your kids about online behaviour anymore without brining up the topic of sex and sexuality,鈥� said Parr. 鈥淪exting is not a safe substitute for sex. No one is going to get pregnant or catch herpes, but the emotional trauma is outrageous.鈥�
According to statistics provided by Parr, 39 per cent of teens and 59 per cent of adults have sexted at least once and approximately 25 per cent of girls and 33 per cent of boys reported seeing a naked image on another person鈥檚 cell phone.
鈥淥ur kids need to understand that if they are under the age of 18 and they鈥檝e taken a naked picture of themselves or a friend, if they send it or if they receive it, they鈥檙e either producing, distributing or in possession of child pornography. That鈥檚 a federal law; jail time.鈥�
To try and stop children from sending sexual images Parr emphasized that it鈥檚 important to teach children about healthy relationships, consent, respect, harassment and that it鈥檚 O.K. to talk to an adult.
鈥淩espect is caring for someone today, but also caring for who they need to become five years from now,鈥� said Parr. 鈥淚f we have regrets in our lives, let鈥檚 share them with our kids. They鈥檒l start to see you as human and I think that鈥檚 important for a relationship.鈥�
She said part of the solution is being honest with children and teaching them that they are more than just a sexual object.
鈥淥ur main message is you are more than just a body.鈥�
Paul Clarke| [email protected]
